TONEEJAY's Beginning/End: a track-by-track guide

TONEEJAY is paving his own path, by himself, for the first time.

After creating music with Filipino indie act Munimuni, TONEEJAY (né TJ de Ocampo) decided it was time to go on his own and start anew. Moments of self-doubt hit him at first but his refreshed sense of freedom has helped pull him up. "I was learning and doing a lot of things for the first time," he tells Bandwagon. "I spent whole mornings just sitting in front of my computer arranging MIDI notes and playing with DAW plugins, which is something I’ve never really done before."

Writing Beginning/End led to a lot of creative and personal growth for the singer-songwriter. Having recorded and arranged it entirely in his bedroom, TONEEJAY was able to reflect on the album's theme: "that liminal point in one’s life when on one hand certain things are ending–either through circumstances or by one’s own decision–yet on the other hand other things have started coming into being."

Bandwagon caught up TONEEJAY to run through the tracks off Beginning/End and the stories behind each track.

'Roots'

'Roots' is a very minimal track. It’s just me singing with a few synth layers. Majority of the songs in the album are beat-driven, but for this one I just felt I wanted that space and emptiness. There was a great deal of internal debate whether or not I should try to make it sound busier, but in the end, I decided the song speaks more if I leave it that way.

'Heart-Eyes'

The second single. It’s a song about wanting things while also being aware that nothing–and no feeling you get from acquiring things–really lasts forever. Those things could be material or abstract like comfort, a sense of success, happiness, etcetera. There’s always something next. And so, this song is about that search for permanence when everything feels fleeting.

'Odyssey'

The first song I released. The title actually comes from an episode description for Better Call Saul. It’s episode 8, season 5. Go look it up on Netflix. Haha. The description has this word “odyssey.” I know the word but for no reason I just decided to look it up to get a full definition. And “odyssey” is supposed to be a long and eventful journey. And I liked that, so it became the starting point. Not to mention the episode itself is just heart-wrenching. You should watch it.

'Furnace'

This song is very video game inspired, and it kinda sounds that way too I guess, at least that’s how a friend described it to me. Like it could be music for a level or something. And that makes sense because I had been playing a lot of games during the writing process. There’s a game reference in there too for you to find. But anyway, this song is really about wrestling with yourself and telling yourself to “just do it!” like that old Shia LaBeouf meme.

'Anti-Hero'

This is really a song inspired by Jessica Jones. Haha. No joke. I binge watched that show and Luke Cage and Daredevil and The Defenders. So yeah, I’m guessing the record is pretty much TV inspired. But seriously speaking, I was into that whole concept of the anti-hero. Like a problematic-slash-reluctant protagonist who’s often in morally ambiguous plot points. I feel like most people are like that. We want to be better people, but also, we often find ourselves lacking and unmotivated and broken. I also feel that way a lot of times. 

'1000 Cuts'

This one’s a breakup song for friends. I find that there’s an abundance of breakup songs about lovers, but there’s not enough songs about friends who part ways. Even in real life, people don’t really talk about friendships being over. If we do, we do it in passing, or as if it’s something light and we’ll eventually get over it. But I think when you lose a friend, there’s also that lingering void, the same way you would have if you ever break up with a lover. It’s different with romantic relationships, but still, there’s a lot of grieving that comes with it. And this song is about that.

'Daughter'

This song is dedicated to my niece. She was born at the start of the pandemic when the world had just closed down and there was a lot of uncertainty going on. But having a baby born into your family, there’s something about it that just fills you with wonder. A new person has begun existing. And you remember that new things happen every day. Which teaches you that everything passes, no matter how bleak they may be. A little less than a year after that, my nephew was born. So, this song is also about him and that new generation coming after this one. Life goes on. 

'Twenty-Seven'

This is a song I wrote right after I made a pretty big and possibly life-altering decision. It’s a song about being discontented with yourself and wondering if you’ve done enough in life to be worthy of your age, if that makes sense. But also, it’s a song about moving forward and accepting the long journey you still have ahead of you. I’m twenty-seven now, and it’s not that bad, I guess. Uncoincidentally, this song and the whole album itself was released on my 27th birthday. Just some trivia.

'Lenggwahe'

I’ve been studying Japanese for a good while now. The thing with it is that a lot of Japanese words rely heavily on context. As in there are tons of words that sound exactly the same and so the only way, you’ll know what the other person is saying is through the character they’re using (if they’re writing) or basically through the context of the conversation.

And then there’s the fact that often languages have words that don’t have a direct equivalent in, say, English. That’s why when books or movies are translated, there’s a lot of nuances that’s lost to us. So that’s my inspiration for this one.

When we’re going through something in life, it feels as if our suffering is a different language and so it’s very hard for other people to fully understand or empathize with us. It feels like we’re all alone. But this song is also about finding someone, at least one person, who can fully grasp what you’re saying. It could be a divine relationship like with God through prayer. Or it could be with a loved one or a friend who’s there for you no matter what.